i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
