After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Randomize
