i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
