Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
