Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You ate ashes out of my bong
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
