Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
