Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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