I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I am full of burrito and curiosity
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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