She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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