I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
