This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
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