She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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