I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You're a waste of cheezeits
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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