Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
