Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
