I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
