I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
