Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
