no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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