I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
