1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
