i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
