Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
