took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
