dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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