i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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