Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
