no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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