I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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