I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
