Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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