Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
