I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
