Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
