Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
