My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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