I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
