i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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