The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
