We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
