I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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