That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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