KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
