ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Brb crying the tears of my youth
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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