he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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