weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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