I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
