I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
