Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
50% drunk capacity currently
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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