this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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