I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
