My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
