OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
