1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
