don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Welp...herpes.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
