absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
