I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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