am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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