Do you still have your period?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He told me they were just razor bumps!
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
